Trepidations and Tours

**Thanks for letting me know there are still a few of you out there! Helps to know I'm not writing into the void! Its my birthday tomorrow and I'm missing M more than ever - so it helps to get some of it down in the blog.**


I woke up the next morning in Greg's bed. Confused. Hungover. And wearing absolutely no clothes...


Flashes of the night before came running back in. 


There was wine, there were tears, and then there was the kissing that lead to more than kissing, which led me to wake up in Greg's sheets. The worst part is, what I remember distinctly is - it wasn't good. It was awkward and weird. And I'm having awful flashbacks even as I write this. 


I pulled the sheets tighter around myself looked up and saw Greg awake and watching me. He was giddy and bubbly. I felt tried and hungover. This had all the makings of a reallllllly bad weekend...


"Morning! How did you sleep?!" He asked. His disposition was so sunny, it only made me want to hit my head against the wall.


I grunted in response. He babbled incoherently about things I can't remember for a few more minutes, until I said I needed to go brush my teeth.  I pulled the sheets up with me as I walked to go find clothes.  He laughed as I left the room and said "Now you decide to be shy?" I found myself wanting to hit my head against the wall even more.


I got dressed. Spent a few minutes in the bathroom trying to collect myself. More things came rushing back. "The curve of your back is so amazing." "You're skin is so beautiful." "I just love touching you." Who was this guy!? I suppose these are things some girls would love to hear, but they made me shiver. It was too intimate. It was too real. 


What had I gotten myself into?


I left the bathroom and made my way back to Greg's room. He was dressed and I think he could tell I was fairly uncomfortable or confused. He mentioned that he had to go to the bank and why didn't I hang back and do some work, as I had mentioned that I had some. I couldn't have been more thankful for the time to myself. 


I messaged S immediately. She thought the whole situation was hilarious. To some degree she was right. It was mildly amusing... but what worried me how Greg was interpreting everything. His cheery morning behaviour had me slightly concerned. 


S gave me a bit of perspective. She told me to remember why Greg was in Hungary - he was there to deal with his mother's estate. She told me to think about how he was probably feeling - overwhelmed, sad, and in need of a friend. It helped clear my head and after a shower I no longer felt the urge to smack my head into the wall! He was there for the part of the evening where I cried over M and talked about how I was so clearly not over him, and about how much I missed him. Surely he couldn't have interpreted my drunken actions for anything more than they were... He was in a vulnerable place too. Maybe we were just both using each other for comfort. Maybe this wasn't a big deal at all. Maybe I was just being massively conceited for even thinking he would interpret our evening together as anything more than what it was. Maybe...


Greg returned after about an hour and suggested he take me out touring and suggested a few must-see sites. His mood was distinctly heavier after having been to the bank and transferring over some of his mothers accounts. It seemed we both needed distractions and my need to see Budapest seemed like the perfect opportunity for both of us!


Once we started walking he said "Hey, do we need to talk about anything? You seem a little..." 


"Nope. I don't need to talk about anything. You?" I answered, maybe a bit too quickly. "Nope." He said. 


We found some brunch at a restaurant overlooking the Danube and onto the parliament buildings. It was beautiful. We talked about our friends from home and silly university memories. Then he told me more about where we would go and what we would see. He gave me a detailed history of the parliament buildings. 


Later on as we walked around he showed me Gellert Hill, Matthias Church, and Buda Castle among other things. We walked over the Szechenyi chain bridge and along the Danube promenade. We capped off the day by seeing the War museum. It was amazing. The buildings were amongst the most venerable I'd ever seen. I was amazed with the architecture, the history, the language, the culture, all of it. I never expected Budapest to be so beautiful.


And to be honest, I was amazed with Greg. He was an excellent tour guide. He took care of everything. He refused to let me pay for anything. And he was consistently asking if this is what I wanted to see, if I needed a bathroom, if a needed a break or a drink. He could have run his own tour company! We had fun. It felt like I was with my friend and like the night before never happened. 


But it did happen and we had 2 more nights that we were spending together in Budapest.